


Unreturned Love

by powerweirdo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Kihyun is rather playing with Hyunwoos feels, M/M, Mild Smut, None of the other are mentioned tbh, Rejection, Showki, barely there, but theyre described, hopeless crush, im sorry yell at me or smt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerweirdo/pseuds/powerweirdo
Summary: Maybe he should promise himself to never fall in love with someone ever again.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 14
Kudos: 32





	Unreturned Love

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea few days ago when I wanted to sleep, but my brain wanted to plot. Either way I wanted to write and did this, the whole thing is my creation today. I love angst, if you didn't know, now you do. This isn't the last you'll hear from me with angst, cuz I've got more plot, also planned this night I couldn't sleep.  
> I have also meant to publish smt else... but I'm such a slow ass pushing shit away and starting new works. Either way, I hope y'all are staying healthy n lockdown/quarantine isn't killing you too much. Follow me (writingbeans) on twitter, I'll let y'all know when this mentioned work is going up there. Also a surprise sheet/chart for that one story, if I have the fucking will in me to publish.  
> Enjoy showki angst wooooOOOO comments and kudos are appreciated  
> im gonna hate myself for not reading through this but who cares. dis note is way too long already sorry

❤️

"I’m in love with you," Hyunwoo suddenly murmurs.

The voice draws the attention of the other male present in the room to look up. He turns his attention to him. His eyes land on a shy figure, limbs more crumpled against himself. His gaze is lingering on Kihyun for a few seconds, they exchange equal questioningly looks. Their lips glued together, leaving no word spoken.

Hyunwoo's pupils lower to his toes. Watching as he nervously fiddles with the carpet edges. As inaudibly as possible, he inhales, a shaky one he hopes was in reach to hear only by himself. From the corner of his eye he saw the blurry figure of the brunet male, his eyes still fixated on him, and only him.

Kihyun is staring at him, no words, no expression. Letting his eyes roll around in his head to examine his face. There is nothing peeking through, nothing he can desperately pull information out of. Not the lightest tuck of the corner of his lip, no guffawing as he confesses it’s a joke. Nothing.

Kihyun cards his hand through his hair, aggressively tugging the knots away from each other as he looks away. Kihyun can feel the bitter taste roll up on his tongue, he wants to sprint off and hide.

It's silent, so silent it's suffocating. The air is thick, heavy and poisonous. They try to hold their breaths, so silent. The little statue of a grandpa clock stands on top of Kihyun's IKEA furniture. Its ticking isn't audible, it's nowhere. Even in the silence drowning them, the sound is absent.

The brunet builds up the courage to look back, right into the elder's eyes, as he finally looked up himself. They were glossy, hopeless tries of blinking them away. Nothing tipped over his round eyelids, his cheeks stayed dry, but the eyes began to hue a red and shine in the weak light from the ceiling lamp. He sucked his lip into his mouth biting so hard Kihyun could see the color drain from the flesh.

"I have a boyfriend," he replies, a whisper so lowly he was scared he would have to repeat.

But he knew he wouldn't need to. Hyunwoo knows about his boyfriend. He knows Kihyun lives in his _boyfriend's_ apartment, where he had been living ever since starting college. He is aware they're doing homework in his boyfriend's home. Yet, he speaks out about it as if there is no painful outcome. Like he's not afraid.

Hyunwoo opens his mouth, Kihyun is too aware what he's going to say. They were no more than students, fellow classmates paired for the literature task. Kihyun barely knew his personality, although, he perfectly knew the next words.

"Can we please get back to the project?" he sternly questions.

Maybe he feels a little bad to see Hyunwoo fight his tears in a more threatening battle. Maybe he wants to give him a hug and tell him he's going to be okay. But he doesn't. It's not the right thing to do.

He brushes it off, grabs his pencil to write down the notes the website displayed on his phone.

Hyunwoo slips down on the seat next to Kihyun. Their literature presentation is ready on Kihyun's laptop. The latter's head is hiding in his arms, body bent over the desk. He's not asleep, he replies when the older asks if he can take a look, a low hum muffled by his arm.

It looks great, nine slides, just as they were requested. The slides are decorated with pictures fitting the theme. Several dots vertically falling with notes. They had already read through ten times, at least. Rehearsals nineteen times the day before, just to be sure they said everything as planned. 

When Kihyun looks up, he stares at the screen, clicking back to the first slide, since Hyunwoo left it in the middle.

His eyes are tired, red and dark. Bags under his eyes and a nose to match the redness of his swollen eyes. He's exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Hyunwoo asks, moving a finger up to flick his bangs away to take a better look.

"Yes," he replies shortly, swatting the hand away to readjust his hair.

"You don't look good, did you even sleep?"

Kihyun shakes his head, inhaling deeply and leaning on his hands resting on the seat of his chair.

"My boyfriend broke up with me, but don't worry," he tries to press through a smile, closing his eyes to hold his tears in. Glistening on his lids, he wipes them away.

A boyfriend of several years suddenly breaks up with him? On four days? What happened? Now, Hyunwoo wasn't an expert regarding their relationship, and relationships in general, but what would make them so suddenly fall away?

"I'm sorry," Hyunwoo's hand lands on his shoulder. "Do you need a place to stay?"

"No," he replies fast, grabbing his laptop to head to the front of the classroom with Hyunwoo in tow. "I'm gonna live with my mom."

The presentation could have been better. Kihyun stopped up a thousand times because he either teared up or needed to collect himself. Hyunwoo felt bad as he just stood there, his partner for this task, just staring until it was his turn to throw out the date of this author's birth and death. None of the students payed attention to him, but to the younger who constantly wiped his running eyes.

Four years since graduation. Four years since he last saw Kihyun, leave the gates to the school with his parents smiling so widely. Hyunwoo admits everyday he misses him. Even though they were never close friends, barely even friends, he enjoyed having him close. Being able to see him every day in classes, look at him from the other side of the classroom. Now he is wiped away from him, has been for four years.

Hyunwoo got a job, one where he could use his education. It was a big step from his coffee store job, to finally be able to dress up in suits every morning and head to the office building, seated behind a big oval table and participate in serious business meetings.

There are no traces to follow to find Kihyun. Something he wanted more in the start than now. They never had common friends, Kihyun hang out with the tall lanky photography student and the short, noisy guy from the art class upstairs. Hyunwoo hang out with the honey skinned student from his math classes, and his junior friend from the editing group.

None ever crossed their path with one of the other's friends.

Hyunwoo was therefore shocked to find Kihyun standing behind a counter in a café.

Hyunwoo's colleague proposed he could find a place in silence for them, disappearing into the store. Hyunwoo stood on the outside with eyes focusing on the shorter boy. His hair was dyed, a weak and pretty pink. His cheeks are still so soft, his skin paler than what he could remember. It's hard not to barge over and rip the smaller over the counter to hug him tight.

His colleague returns, hand curling around his arm to tell him he found a place. They settle down, Hyunwoo asks if he wants to order something and he'll bring it. The other thinks about it for a hot minute, then smiles and nod.

"If it's not too much, I can go myself," he takes his jacket off, folding it to drape over the back of the chair.

"No, I'll take it," Hyunwoo smiles, and rushes off to the cashier.

Unfortunately for him, Kihyun had just switched with his colleague. Kihyun now running in and out from the kitchen with the dinner orders.

He's defeated by the laws of reality.

"Crap," a shocked gasp reaches Hyunwoo's ears. His eyes are staring back at equally wide ones. A collision connects with his chest, a human falling into his embrace.

Fast, they move away, Hyunwoo gains his balance, the other embarrassed and rambling apologies while he brushes his own shirt back to a pristine surface.

"Hyunwoo?"

"Kihyun?"

The former classmates locks eyes so intensely. Kihyun sniggers lowly, hand covering his lips.

"Long time no see, how are you doing?" Kihyun asks, removing stray strands from his eyes with his index finger.

"Quite well, you?"

"Terrific, got a new job and all. I see you graduated from making coffee in paper cups," he playfully lets his fingers slide over the black tie around his neck.

Kihyun is awfully touchy from what Hyunwoo remembers. To be someone he barely knew in college, it was quite odd to have him touch his tie. He seems giggly, can he even cross the line and say Kihyun is flirting?

A bit dumbfounded, Hyunwoo takes a step back, adjusting his tie nervously. He isn't sure why, but his eyes lower to the younger's hands, examining each finger and feeling relieved there is no ring.

The raven haired decides to smile at the other.

"Shoot," Kihyun glances to his watch. "I might have to go, it was nice seeing you. Uhm…up for a coffee sometime?" Kihyun passes him, but still facing him.

Hyunwoo looks to the side, back at Kihyun before nodding. "Okay."

Kihyun bounces on the top of his toes, he is really in a hurry. "I'll text you, the same number you had when we had that project?"

"Yes."

"Great," he waves. "I'll see you."

Why isn't Hyunwoo reacting happier than this. Why is he overthinking whatever is going to happen next? Why is this such a big deal all of a sudden?

The coffee date is going quite well. It's Friday afternoon, a time they both had free in their schedule.

Hyunwoo got to see the other's traits he misses. His laugh is just as melodic and calm as it was in college. His eyes shine brighter, he looks way healthier and happier as a grown man, living in an own house and with his dream job in his hands.

He works as a kindergarten teacher. Something he is so happy about. He glows up when he mentions his profession. He talks about the kids, where he is allowed to step into details. Nothing enough to picture the children is exchanged, Kihyun being professional with confidentiality and the children's safety.

"You want children of your own?" Hyunwoo mentally hits himself for asking.

Kihyun looks like he's taken aback by the question. A bit shocked it came from someone who confessed to him while he was in a relationship.

But he sparks up, smiles wide and nods eagerly. "Yes!"

Hyunwoo is too obvious with his feelings, he's usually like a plain wall. Nothing to read off of him. But his gaze falling, his shoulders visibly sinking, Kihyun caught it. Suddenly it all fell back to that one time, the time where Kihyun rejected, but not quite, his feelings. Kihyun falls silent. Their conversation died out.

About five minutes in devouring silence, Kihyun rises up. No movement from Hyunwoo. Their coffee is still floating in the cup, the dark liquid a perfect mirror for Hyunwoo to see Kihyun slip his arms into his coat. He thanks the other for the coffee before walking away from the mirror.

Hyunwoo has to be honest, his feelings for Kihyun are still there.

Kihyun stares at the bedroom ceiling, it's not his, it's not his mom's, not his friends'.

But Hyunwoo's.

Kihyun feels his body hate him, he wants to throw up, his gut ties together in nauseous waves. He is disgusted by himself and his decisions. Really hates himself rather than his body hating him. His is sore, aching in pain, but craving the warmth to lick up his body like flames again.

The night is playing on his eyelids over and over again. He can hear himself, he can hear Hyunwoo. He feels the big, tan hands glide up his body. The burning pleasure relieving his stress.

He glances over to the man sleeping heavily next to him. They're both naked, stripped down to their own personal shell. It's so intimate, a feeling he hasn't felt in years. Just being in the same bed with someone else is odd.

He should have stopped himself for calling Hyunwoo, should have stopped himself when he asked about coffee back then. He didn't mean to slip into his apartment. But it was so easy. None of his friends were available, he felt lonely and needed the presence of another human soul.

He suggested a movie night, Hyunwoo agreed. Just an innocent evening for two former classmates to hang out, chat a bit and enjoy a movie. A movie, indicating not much talking. Less chance whatever happened during the project and the café won't happen again. Or at least the chances are lower.

Yet, Kihyun ended up straddling the elder's hips, he rather threw himself onto him. But it wasn't just his fault. Hyunwoo kept looking at him, smiling so preciously. He couldn't stop.

Pulling the older into an overwhelming kiss, tongue and teeth, as if it wasn't their first. It made him thirst for Hyunwoo, and the latter for him.

He couldn't stop, he couldn't stop.

Before he knew it, he was under Hyunwoo, clawing his fingernails against the broad back. His own being roughly treated by the coarse surface of the couch. But it felt so good, finally being able to have humane contact from someone else. Being praised by someone else.

His skin is painted with hickeys, bitemarks and scratches, and he knows the other is as well. His throat would be hoarse the next morning, Kihyun is loud. He had figured. But Hyunwoo had coaxed him to be louder, and Kihyun had demanded him to go harder. Both leveling evenly and pushing the pink haired to the ultimate max of volumes.

Shit.

There is no way he can get out of this alive.

Kihyun thought he had let go, thought those five years apart helped Hyunwoo forget about him.

But no.

Kihyun had to fall back and help him find back to his feelings.

It pains Kihyun to hear the words over and over again. He was drunken by his climax high, just helping the other chase his own orgasm. Hyunwoo was probably not aware himself, how he so casually whispered a love confession into the crook of Kihyun's neck.

Oh god, why does it pain him?

Kihyun sneaks out of bed, irks the arm on top off his waist away to freely leave. He goes on a hunt for his clothes, luckily just around the couch. Peeling his own away, and sorting it out from Hyunwoo's. He pulls the fabric on to his sensitive skin as silently as possible.

He has no idea what time it is. His phone is in his jacket in the hall, Hyunwoo wasn't the type of person to have an individual clock standing somewhere in the apartment. His bedroom clock was his phone. All he knows, is that it's dark enough outside to drown the apartment in darkness.

He leaves as silently as possible. Clicks the door shut behind him and tip toes down the corridors of apartments until he reaches his car.

Hyunwoo loudly shuts the door to his car, a paper bag in his hand. He feels stupid for not having a proper lunchbox at home, but he has never used one, so he didn't need them. Unless occasions like this one showed up.

He crosses the parking in big steps, reaching the gate locking the whole area inside with fences. Lifting the handle up, he slips inside earning glances from a ton of children from his knee height and down. They stare, nothing more. Except three brave kids daring to task to him while they're seated in a bush.

"Whose dada are you?" the kid asks, holding a stick out as a way to stop Hyunwoo from walking.

He scoffs nervously. "I'm no one's dad, I'm here to deliver this," he lifts the paper bag.

The children gasp loudly. "Is that lunch for us?"

"No, it's for a friend of mine," he smiles, steps over the stick and continues towards the entrance of the building.

He opens a big red door with a window formed as a square, tipped over to balance on one of its points. He is immediately greeted by a new kid, and earns the attention of a teacher sitting on a stool next to a table. It's an elderly woman, she pats her thighs with her hands to wipe them, walking over to Hyunwoo with a soft grandma-like smile.

"I'm here to give this to Kihyun," Hyunwoo says softly, lifting the bag yet again to show it.

"Ah, Kihyun, I'll go fetch him," he slips off, disappearing into the toy filled building.

Again, several children stare at him, no one walk close, just stares on a safe distance.

The woman comes back with Kihyun behind. His eyes grows wide and he thanks the woman fast before closing the door to the hall behind him. Hyunwoo is still smiling, at least tries. He couldn't lie, he saw the other's expression. It wasn't how he would have reacted if he was happy to see him.

Hyunwoo hands the bag to Kihyun, the younger hesitantly takes it into his hands. The front is decorated with Hyunwoo's handwriting, _Kihyun_ followed with a little heart levitating above the name.

The pink haired judges it, scrunching his nose even.

"I'm sorry I didn't wake up earlier, my alarm was off. I hope you found your way out safely and without problems," Hyunwoo scratches the back of his head. "I couldn't see you had touched anything in the kitchen and was scared you left without breakfast and lunch for work."

Kihyun's eyes follow Hyunwoo's, figuring he hadn't noticed Kihyun leaving in the middle of the night.

"No," he whispers. "No, Hyunwoo I can't take this."  
"Of course you can, I wouldn't have brought it if I didn't mean it," Hyunwoo smiles, using his palm to reject the other trying to hand it back.

Kihyun's breath trembles, he carefully inhales sharply and exhales with a shaking puff. He stares at the handwriting. Letting his brain capture the name written thousands of times, and the heart drawn so softly.

He glances back to the door, seeing the woman on the other side from the glass next to the door. She is looking back at him, a little smile, but she has no idea what's really going on.

"Hyunwoo, I can't take this, you shouldn't be here, please take it back and leave."

Again, Kihyun pushes the rustling bag against Hyunwoo's chest.

Hyunwoo takes it, knitting his brows to look at the other in question. He cocks his head, a little scoff creating a smile.

"Why? Is… didn't we have a nice moment yesterday?" Hyunwoo swallows hard. His Adam's apple bobbing.

"Hyunwoo, I… listen what I did yesterday was stupid, I regret it. I didn't mean to, I shouldn't have slept with you. I was so lonely it drove me insane, my friends have been busy lately and I craved human contact. I grabbed the chance seeing you in my contacts and then I-," he stops, looking away and curling his arms around himself. He bites hard into his cheek before looking back, staring him dead in the eye. "I still don’t feel the same for you," Kihyun mumbled.

"Oh," Hyunwoo answers. His head does the regular thing it does when he's sad or heartbroken, hard to tell the difference even when himself is judging. "I-I see. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother your day."

Hyunwoo keeps his eyes at the floor for a longer time. His hand sneaks into the pocket of his suit pants. He draws out two pieces of smooth paper cut into even rectangles. He hands the bag back to Kihyun, the paper pieces following.

"I guess I won't need these then," he smiles weakly, but it's not happy. He's forcing it. It's so artificial, only the lips moved, the rest of his face is stiff, emotionless.

Kihyun's eyes read the information on the paper. He gasps. "Hyunwoo…why?"

The taller shrugs his shoulders. "You told me you loved that band, I saw they toured in Asia, and fortunately they came to Seoul. I wanted to surprise you."  
It did maybe cost him his whole month's salary, but it would be worth bringing Kihyun to see his favorite band.

Kihyun stares at the tickets in his grasp, back up to Hyunwoo. The older had now broken, his barrier fallen together. His eyes are so glossy Kihyun can see himself. Hyunwoo doesn't even try to hide it.

Hyunwoo has been too blinded by the stupid crush he got on Kihyun. He fell so deep he couldn't get up even with four years apart. Kihyun came back to him, a year more as a bit closer friends. His hope grew. Now he stands in front of Kihyun, almost a mirror of himself that night in the younger's boyfriend's apartment. Yet again heartbroken by the crush he so deeply loves.

"I hope you can bring a friend of yours," Hyunwoo turns to the door, the younger doesn't do anything. He keeps silent, looking at him until he closes the door behind himself.

The kids who earlier didn't stare, definitely stared now. A buff, grown man walks through their play area, eyes red and tears continuing to stream down his cheeks. The bush kids didn't stop him with a stick this time. They let him walk freely with a clear path to his car.

Finally, inside he was protected by the dark windows and the walls of the car.

Maybe he should promise himself to never fall in love with someone ever again.

💔


End file.
